I.
Title :
Free Hugs
II.
Topic Sentence : The
man with the sign “free hugs”.
III.
Major supporting sentence and minor
supporting sentence:
I
am very confused to distinguish each sentence because each of sentences is
quite long sentences. But, I will try to distinguish it.
For the first paragraph, the topic
sentence is:
After I watched the video, first I
thought the man with the sign “free hugs”, was a guy or someone who needed a
love and affection so that he wanted to share free hugs to everybody who he met
and I thought probably in his mind, he thought to foster a sense of
togetherness and peace among other people although they didn’t know each other
before, so he did it by giving free hugs to everyone he met.
The
major supporting sentence for the first paragraph is:
Second, I also thought he was a nice
and tough guy because he was not easily to give up and not easily to desperate
we can see that the man keep patience and passion to get a hug even though
initially no one wanted to hug him and he also tried to keep his smile and keep
friendly to everyone who saw him although other people who saw him felt he was
weird.
The
minor supporting sentence for the first paragraph is:
Initially the atmosphere was like
black and white, because no one was care about what is done by the man other
than that, the people who saw him also laughed at her, because maybe they
thought what he did was a strange thing and at first, the people also did not
respond to him and the people did not want to be hugged by him and did not want
to give a hug to the man, because people might think that he was weird and
crazy because he brought the sign "free hugs" while walking in the
crowd and people might think what is done by the man is a strange thing to do
or not reasonable.
This
is the topic sentence in the second paragraph:
After
that, the atmosphere changed became more colorful because after the man walked
in a long time
then,
the man met
with
a
grandmother
and the man greeted the
grandmother
next,
they
hugged each other
at that time they looked loving each other and they looked happy
when they
shared
a hug,
that’s way the
free hugs
happened and then, Police
banned
the man
to
do
free
hugs
third, I
thought
the police
forbade him
because
he did
free hugs
in public places
and
the people
who
followed what is
done
by the
man
to
perform
free hugs
increasing number
so
that, the police
might
think
that
what
the man
did
could disturb
the public
or
people
as more and more
people followed
the man action then, this would
make the crowd
which could interfered the public
so that the police
forbid it,
maybe
the police did not
know
what the purpose
of
his
free hugs
did.
This
is the minor supporting sentence in the second paragraph:
Other
than that, free
hugs action
which performed
by
the man
and
the
people
included an illegal
action
because they had not
obtained permission to
do so.
This
is the topic sentence in the third paragraph:
Next when the police tried to stop
free hugs campaign action, then the man and those who supported free hugs
action tried to do petition by collecting signatures as a sign permit
application to do free hugs campaign after that, the police asked the man and
the people who supported the man to collect the signature a number of 10,000
signatures to get permission to perform action such free hugs. The target of
the signatures were 10,000 signatures, at first they got 83, then 136, next 572
signatures, 1850, 2134, after that 5395 signatures, then 7840 signatures until
they could reach their target to get 10,000 signatures, so they got permission
to do free hugs campaign.
I think, it is independent sentence
below because there is no relation between this sentence and the first sentence
in the third paragraph. So, this sentence can be separate from the third
paragraph and forms a new paragraph.
In the end the man and the people
got permission to do free hugs campaign finally all of the people were happy
included the police and they shared their hugs with each other. The main point
of this video, it showed us about how to make a peaceful among others people
although we didn’t know each other people yet just by doing a little or simple
thing such as by sharing a hug and the video also taught us to respect each
other, appreciate the difference so then by sharing free hugs could create
togetherness.
IV. Concluding Sentence
The concluding sentence is “The main
point of this video, it showed us about how to make a peaceful among others
people although we didn’t know each other people yet just by doing a little or
simple thing such as by sharing a hug and the video also taught us to respect
each other, appreciate the difference so then by sharing free hugs could create
togetherness.”
V.
Grammar
There are some mistakes about the
grammar.
In
this part “first I thought the man with the sign “free hugs”, was a guy” from
that part it need to put comma after “first” and remove comma before “was”. So I
will become “first, I thought the man with the sign “free hugs” was a guy”.
VI.
Vocabulary
After
I read it many times, the vocabulary is good.
VII.
Mechanic
The
mechanic of each paragraph is quite good. I am a bit confused to distinguish between
major and minor supporting paragraph because one sentence same with five
sentences. You preferred to use conjunctions to bridge each paragraph, but it
is better for you to use full stop where it is needed. So, it will not make the
reader confused. Also, the third paragraph contains 2 topic sentences, so that
it is better for you to make a new paragraph from this sentence “In the end the man and the people
got permission to do free hugs campaign finally all of the people were happy
included the police and they shared their hugs with each other. The main point
of this video, it showed us about how to make a peaceful among others people
although we didn’t know each other people yet just by doing a little or simple
thing such as by sharing a hug and the video also taught us to respect each
other, appreciate the difference so then by sharing free hugs could create
togetherness.”
